Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Jason- early 20’s, Natalie’s significant other Natalie- early 20’s, Jason’s significant other Setting: Natalie and Jason’s living room. Mid-Afternoon. (NATALIE is laying on the couch reading a book. She is still in her pajamas. There is a bowl with a spoon on the coffee table in front of her.) (JASON enters the apartment with shopping bags. JASON and NATALIE acknowledge each other but don’t say anything. JASON closes the door and makes his way back offstage to where we can assume is the kitchen.) (JASON re-enters with a box of Cheez-Its and stands at the end of the couch waiting for NATALIE to acknowledge his presence. She sits up while still reading so he can sit. He waits a few seconds to see if she will do anything else. She does not. He sits.) (They sit in silence. JASON is eating Cheez-Its and NATALIE is reading her book. They sit until the silence becomes unbearable.) JASON: (Frustrated) Can you please say something? NATALIE: (Looks at JASON) Are you asking or telling? JASON: Does it matter? NATALIE: (Goes back to reading) No, because I have nothing to say to you. JASON: You have nothing to say? NATALIE: I have nothing to say. JASON: How do you have nothing to say? NATALIE: It’s easy. (Finally closes her book and looks at JASON.) I’m upset so I have nothing to say to you. JASON: That’s stupid. NATALIE: You’re stupid. JASON: Wow, great comeback. You sound like a child. NATALIE: I can be a child if I want to. JASON: (Raising his voice) You’re 21! NATALIE: (Matching his tone) Why are you yelling at me? JASON: (Still yelling) Because I want to talk to you but you won’t listen! NATALIE: (Still yelling) Why should I listen to you?! JASON: Because I- (lowers his voice) because I want to apologize. NATALIE: Really? JASON: Really. I was being selfish and I want to say sorry for not thinking about you in that moment. NATALIE: Well, at least you can acknowledge it, and that’s good. (Goes back to reading her book) JASON: Can you please stop being difficult. NATALIE: How should I act? JASON: Reasonable? Like you want to work this out? NATALIE: I tried that earlier, but obviously it didn’t work. JASON: You dropping a bomb on me like that and being freakishly calm about it is going to make me act a certain way. NATALIE: (Scoffs) Whatever Jason. (Pause) JASON: (Softly) I’m just afraid. NATALIE: (Chuckles then looks up to JASON) Afraid? JASON: Yes afraid NATALIE: (Closes book) You’re afraid? JASON: That’s what I said. NATALIE: Well how do you think I feel? (Turns and faces him) How do you think I felt last night at 2 in the morning when I saw that test? When I saw it was positive? When I took another test to see if the first one was right? You say you’re afraid but you have no idea what it’s like for me. I’m the one who has to live with it. I’m the one who has to make the final decision. I’m the one who has to go through everything. I’m 21! I’m in college. I barely know what the hell I’m doing with my life. I don’t know what I’m doing after. What I want to do. And that, that fucking scares me down to my soul. You can walk away from all of this any time you want to but I can’t. Because no matter what happens, it’s going to stay with me forever. (They sit in silence for a few moments. NATALIE goes back to reading her book. She wipes a few stray tears.) JASON: Listen Nat, I’m sorry okay. I’m not saying that me being afraid is more important than your feelings or what you are going through okay? I’m just saying– Look, I got stuff to make your favorite meal. And (He shakes the box.) this box of Cheez-Its that I started eating. (He looks at the empty bowl on the coffee table.) And luckily more Lucky Charms because I see that you ate the rest of it. NATALIE: And frankly my dear, I don’t give a flying fuck about what you got at the store. JASON: I don’t think that’s how that saying goes. (NATALIE doesn’t respond.) For God’s sake will you put the book down?! (JASON snatches the book away from her.) You never read and now you want to start? NATALIE: I do read. And don’t use the Lord’s name in vain. JASON: You aren’t religious so why should it matter? NATALIE: (shrugs) I hear that people frown upon it. JASON: Since when do you care? NATALIE: I don’t. It’s just something that I hear. JASON: (chuckles) What am I going to do with you? NATALIE: You can either take me or leave me. JASON: (confused) Why would I leave you? NATALIE: Because you’re scared. JASON: I would never do that. NATALIE: You left before. JASON: In high school? You were the one who was going away to college and it was your decision to end things. So technically darling, technically, you left. Not me. NATALIE: There was really no need to call me darling. JASON: That’s all you got from that? NATALIE: Well I’m back now. JASON: You came back because you wanted to move in together. NATALIE: I came back because I hated the school and it was too expensive and I didn’t feel like going into debt because I ended up going to a school that I hated and made the mistake of staying there. JASON: So you left. NATALIE: I left. But, I’m still getting an education from a lovely community college. JASON: Which is good. NATALIE: Which is fantastic. (beat) Anyway, why did you start eating my Cheez-Its? JASON: They aren’t yours Natalie. I just said that I got them, not got them for you. NATALIE: But you know I love Cheez-Its. JASON: Yes that’s why I got them. NATALIE: So they’re mine then. JASON: Yes you’ll probably end up eating them all but they aren’t just yours. NATALIE: If you say so. (Lays back down and lays her legs across JASON’S lap.) Give the Cheez-Its please. (JASON gives NATALIE the box and Cheez-Its and she starts to eat them. They sit in a comfortable silence.) JASON: What do you want to do? NATALIE: I don’t know. Maybe we can go out later but I want to take a nap first. JASON: Not now. I mean about the situation. NATALIE: Yeah that makes more sense. I don’t know what I want to do. It’s still hard to believe, still trying to wrap my head around it. What about you? JASON: Like you said it’s your decision but I will support you no matter what. I won’t leave if things get bad. NATALIE: When things get bad. JASON: If things get bad. I’ll be there. I think we could do it. It will be a struggle but we could do it. I have faith in us. NATALIE: That’s good. One of us has to. JASON: You don’t have faith in us? (pause) NATALIE: I’m scared. JASON: I know. I know. (beat) I’m sorry I didn’t handle it so well earlier when you told me. NATALIE: Its okay. I forgive you. JASON: Aww really? NATALIE: For now. (Silence) JASON: So what’s the plan? NATALIE: I already told my sister. JASON: (nods) Yeah I figured you told someone. When I was at the store? NATALIE: Of course. JASON: How did your sister take the news? NATALIE: Not surprised. She told me that she knew it would happen eventually. JASON: She told your brother? (NATALIE nods and starts licking the cheese and salt off her fingers. JASON sees this and pulls a napkin out of his pocket and gives it to her.) NATALIE: He wants to kick your ass. JASON: Of course. (pause) Will you protect me? NATALIE: No. It’s been nice knowing you. I’ll see you in the afterlife. (She puts her arms behind her head and closes her eyes.) JASON: Rude. NATALIE: (Jokingly) Love ya sugar plum. (JASON smiles and shakes his head at her. He looks and watches as her breathing becomes calm.) JASON: I love you too Natalie. End of play

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